January 10, 2013 at 9:22 am
How was your holidays? Relax with the family? ?Good time with the kids?
Christmas time and summer holidays can be exhausting for couples step parenting and as we head into the New Year perhaps there?s a resolution of ?there?s got to be an easier way!? For some blended families it can feel like your feelings and confidence has actually been put through a kitchen blender rather than the harmonious melding of family life.
Children may be showing their feelings ? their hurt, disappointment, insecurity and anger at their own situation through behaviour and home becomes a minefield.
Step mothers in particular can still get a bad rap with the ?evil witch? label immortalised by ?Cinderella and Snow White. It?s easy to fall into the habit of labeling the ?other? parent especially when there?s tension, disagreement and a history of hurt. The name-calling sport may feel harmless and tongue-in-cheek at the time but it is not healthy for the children and ultimately it prevents children being able to rightfully enjoy home-life ? whichever home that may be.
This very complexity means that Napier Family Centre?s Step Family course is for couples. Heather Osborne, Parenting Education Coordinator at Napier Family Centre says couples have to come together to get value from the programme. This is different from our other courses where, although it is great if both parents can come, strategies and ideas can be successfully followed through individually.
The reality is that the step parents are trying to build their own new relationship within the context of being a parent already. It is hard to find the space to develop this new partnership as per our expectations of a relationship from pre children days. As well, the children yearn for the security of a strong family unit and may fantasise about their biological parents getting back together. Heather says children?s behaviour may reflect?their grief from the separation of their parents.
She suggests that finding ways to honour and understand traditions from each other?s past as well as actively creating and building on new family traditions is key to finding a new strength as a step family.
Remember that ?evil witch? label? It?s time to let it go. We know as parents that children respond positively to adults who are calm, approachable and have good coping strategies when people are getting stressed. Most importantly, the new step-family life, complex as it is, can grow in new strength, give children security and be rewarding for you.
Kath Curran ? Funding & Communications Manager
Check it out. Napier Family Strengthening Your Step Family FREE course Wednesday evenings 7.00pm ? 9.30pm 6 weeks starting 4th March 2013. Ph 843 7280 or?email us?to register.
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Entry filed under: Childcare, Children, Counselling, Families, Parenting, Step Families. Tags: children, couples, families, parenting, step families.
Source: http://blog.napierfamilycentre.org.nz/2013/01/10/building-stronger-blended-families/
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